Recently we have had a problem with love in our home. We have noticed the girls fighting more. I have felt an ever growing lack of patience with them as well. Resulting in a cranky mommy who probably has lashed out at a child in not so loving ways. Many times recently the girls have not been quick listeners. They have goofed off instead of doing what was being asked. I have been getting so frustrated and inpatient it has caused me to lose the spirit of love in our home way too often.
The girls are aware and we have spoken of how to fix this many times. They have promised they will try harder to listen better and fight less. Daniel took them to Toys R Us to each pick out a toy under $10. Then they were told how they could not have the toy right away. They had to earn it by less fighting. That meant fighting with one another or their mother. Each day they go without fighting they get a check mark on a chart. When they earn 30 days they get their toy. This has been motivating for them but I have still felt a huge presence of contention. Many times within my own heart out of anger towards them.
This has scared me. I am in the process of finishing up their curriculum plans for the school year. While I am very excited about the classical education approach we are going to follow this year I am nervous, Nervous because I want things to run smooth. I want the girls to enjoy their schooling. I want them to grow close as sisters and also grow close with me as we learn side by side together. Homeschool is supposed to rewarding and an enriching experience. But with all that has been going on I have worried how things will be once the school schedule starts. (Currently set for August 30th.)
This evening I went int he girls room to peek on them sleeping. They looked all so sweet in their sleeping positions cuddled up with their favorite most loved made by Grandma blankies. I felt a need to pray for them. Honestly, I have not prayed in their room for them in a very long time. I prayed for the usual. Help to know what they each need. Help to increase the spirit in our home to love and kindness. Help to be in tune with how the Lord sees fit that I should educate them. How they each learn differently and how can I best love and teach them individually. I prayed for a few minutes just feeling an overwhelming desire to be a better mother for them. Knowing there is so much more I can be doing. Knowing my shortcomings and my intense need for our Heavenly father's guidance each step of the way.
After praying I went back to tidying up our in the kitchen and dining room. Messes of coloring papers and crayons scattered the table. Shoes for their little feet piled in front of the shoes shelves in the hallway. Pool toys scattered near the porch doors. As I out things away I saw a bathroom sink with wet toilet paper in it. yuk. I am reminded of how the girls should pick up after themselves better. I am reminded of how they really need to put their shoes away a few inches further in on a shelf. How hard can that be? I am reminded of how they really should have put the crayons away. All of this is true. But The Lord shared with me a little lesson.
These things are important. It is important to have a neat and tidy home. Peace resides amongst cleanliness so much easier then mess. They are important but I forgot one thing amidst my selfish frustrations. Pointing out the positive. Seeing the good in these sweet little girls. Seeing the great things they do. As I was making my couch pillows neat and cute I felt I should read an article in
The Ensign.
Love at Home, an article of combined counsel from our Prophet Thomas S. Monson.
A few quotes stood out to me as the lesson I felt the Lord needed to share with me tonight.
“Give your child a compliment and a hug; say, ‘I love you’ more; always express your thanks. Never let a problem to be solved become more important than a person to be loved. Friends move away, children grow up, loved ones pass on. It’s so easy to take others for granted, until that day when they’re gone from our lives and we are left with feelings of ‘what if’ and ‘if only.’ …
“Let us relish life as we live it, find joy in the journey and share our love with friends and family. One day, each of us will run out of tomorrows. Let us not put off what is most important.”
“To you who are parents, I say, show love to your children. You know you love them, but make certain they know it as well. They are so precious. Let them know. Call upon our Heavenly Father for help as you care for their needs each day and as you deal with the challenges which inevitably come with parenthood. You need more than your own wisdom in rearing them.”
“What is most important almost always involves the people around us. Often we assume that they must know how much we love them. But we should never assume; we should let them know. Wrote William Shakespeare, ‘They do not love that do not show their love.’ We will never regret the kind words spoken or the affection shown. Rather, our regrets will come if such things are omitted from our relationships with those who mean the most to us.” -Thomas S. Monson
I realized I had failed in showing my love to them. I was so caught up in what they were doing wrong I was distancing myself from them. I had hugged less. When getting a hug I would think how that child needed to be doing what I asked them to do. When I had a child want to sing a song to me that she wrote I sent her to finish making her bed. When another was showing off her newest coolest dance move I said she was thumping the floor too much. I had become obsessed with things that were less important then showing my daughters I cared, and that I loved them.
I also have failed at praying for them often. They need more then anything the prayers of their mother. The mother who takes care of them everyday. The mother who is teaching them. The line in the above quote "You need more then your own wisdom in rearing them" repeats itself in my head. Its so true. Overtime I had allowed myself to subconsciously think I could handle things on my own.
These days are not easy. There is evil all around us. There are sad stories of families being torn apart. We hear often of families separated by a death from accidents, war, diseases, acts of hate. I only have one chance with my children. President Monsons words were the greatest reminder to me today. To not take for granted the sweet little ones I have here. They are too precious for me to focus so much on negative.
While change is difficult and habits are hard to break I know the Lord can guide me each day here on out to help bring the love back in our home. As these children feel more love from me they will in turn show more love to eachother. A tough lesson to learn but one I am grateful for.
